I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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