My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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