I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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