I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
