conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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