My sheets look like a crime scene.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
