Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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