her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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