Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
