there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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