Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
How does one acquire holy water?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
