her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
