Whod you bang
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
