woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
