Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
