how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
