I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
