I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
