He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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