My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
