Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The adults are the big ones right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
