I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
