I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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