It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Randomize
