im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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