I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
