adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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