i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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