so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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