I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
