I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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