if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
