Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
