he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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