i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
