i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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