dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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