do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
