Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
