we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
