Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
