she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
