He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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