Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
