if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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