if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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