Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
