My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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