I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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