its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she pinky promised me she was 18
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
