I want to make a zoo with you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
