physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
