this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
