Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
