I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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