Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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