Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
