mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
