how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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