sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
