How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
