you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
