I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
