I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
