We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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