genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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