His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
