you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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