i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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