a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
