There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
