I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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